A new quarter is starting, and I am already stressing out.  This isn't an issue of grades at all--those look fine.  It rather an issue of quality that I expect of myself.  I received two of my final papers from last quarter back, both of which I was feeling quite confident about, and they seem to have significant issues in them.  I am thrilled that I have demanding advisors who expect high quality analysis and research.  It's not to say they don't support my work--they certainly do, but I can't help but feel that I am faking it all right now.  I find myself regularly asking why I was selected for this program and what they saw in me that encouraged them to invite me into this program.  I can't help but feel that I have realized none of the promise they had hoped I would develop into.

Through their eyes, I realize the poorly justified claims, the overstated findings, and broadly presumed assumptions.  I can't seem to recognize those myself, and it is for that that I am most strongly concerned.  I don't know if I have seen growth in myself and that worries me for many reasons.  Am I taking up valuable space and energies that could be used for better purposes?  Am I pretending to be a researcher when really I am just spinning convenient yarns that meet the basest of requirements?  Am I setting myself up for a position of not being able to in the end be anything?   Am I faking being an academic, when maybe I am really just an OK high school teacher?